You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
