Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
