Your face is a jimmy john
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
