No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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