Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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