He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
