i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
