you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
