I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
