I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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