Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
