the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
