He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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