I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
