happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
