My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
