I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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