Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
