But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
