How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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