I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
