Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
