Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
