He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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