did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
