break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
