Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
