I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
