If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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