You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i now understand why vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
