i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
