Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
