it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
