I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
