Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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