He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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