Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
