Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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