you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
