Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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