he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sober January is a disaster.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
