Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to fling myself into the sun
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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