I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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