Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
