you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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