Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
