Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
