He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
