Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
