why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
