i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
