My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
