Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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