Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
