I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
